Melting down in style

Zach closed the dishwasher and pressed the Start button. He loved the sound it made when it was running. He'd been cleaning up after he and Austin had eaten lunch, and Austin was in the bedroom packing for their trip to New York. He thought that he would go and check to see how it was going.

In the bedroom, Zach found that Austin had laid out no less than eight different outfits on the bed. He found him in the closet, contemplating several other shirts.

“Choice paralysis?” Zach asked, as he put his hands on Austin's shoulders and nestled his head in his hair.

“Yeah... I'm just not sure that any of these will work,” said Austin.

“You know we're only going to be there for three days, right?”

“And?”

“Nothing... nothing,” Zach backtracked.

Austin turned slightly to look at Zach. “I need options, okay?” Zach nodded aggressively in reply. He pictured himself carrying an overfilled suitcase through the airport. He knew it was coming. There was nothing he could do about it.

Austin returned to the bed and considered one of the outfits. It was a pair of khaki shorts and a blue striped button up shirt. “I feel like this one is a little too midwestern.”

“What do you mean? I think it looks cute. Also, you are midwestern.”

“Yeah, but I don't want to look midwestern!” Austin's look of desperation was, unbeknownst to him, very attractive to Zach.

“Babe, you have to believe me, we are going to look so midwestern, no matter what we do. It's just who we are.”

Austin sighed. How unsatisfying. He was an actor, he could be anyone! “Well, you need to pick out what you're going to wear.”

“We still have three days until we leave, but sure.” Zach disappeared into the closet and began stacking shorts and t-shirts. Soon, he'd picked out one outfit for each day, and an extra one in case things went south.

Austin continued rearranging tops with bottoms, attempting to find a way to trick them into looking unconventional. Anything to look a little more “New York.”

Zach emerged with his clothes, set them on the bed, and then went back for a duffle bag. As he packed the clothes away, he asked, “So, are you sure that it's okay that I'm coming? You're sure that your parents are okay with it?”

“Yeah, of course! They wouldn't have asked you if they didn't want you to come.”

Parts of Zach's argument with his parents replayed in his head. Nothing made sense. “I guess so. They really don't want me to pay for my part? I can definitely pay, it's no big deal.”

Austin sat down the shirt he was holding. “No, babe, they said they were more than happy to pay, it's no problem. They know that we're a couple. Don't worry about it at all.”

Zach heard what Austin was saying, but he wasn't sure if he was supposed to keep insisting. Like his parents had suggested, maybe Austin's parents secretly did want him to pay, but were too nice to ask. Maybe he was being a freeloader and a burden. He decided to let it go for now, and bring it up again later, just to check.

---

Three days later, Zach and Austin woke up at 4am. They got ready, grabbed their bags, and went downstairs. Austin's parents were parked out in front of the building, and they hopped out of the car to help them get their bags into the back.

At the airport, Austin insisted on getting coffee. He needed it injected into his veins, he claimed. Zach admitted that he could really use a pick-me-up himself. They both ordered a cold brew and found Austin's parents sitting near their gate. As the caffeine woke him up, the excitement spilled out of Austin.

“It's happening!!! I can't believe it! We're actually going to New York! We're going to Brooooaaadddwaayyyy!”

Zach smiled, watching Austin. His parents were clearly just as fired up as he was, and the three of them swirled into an excitement tornado. He couldn't shake the feeling that he should be more excited himself. He was excited, or so he thought. What his parents had said weighed heavily on him still. He had thought about what they had said, even considered doing what they had suggested, and telling Austin's parents that he wouldn't be going. But he knew that he was right, that he was becoming his own person, and that he was so honored to have been invited.

“Babe, do you think we're going to see any celebrities?”

Zach snapped out of his thought bubble and smiled. “I don't know... maybe! Who do you want to see?”

“Hmm. I'm not sure. Just kidding! Idina Menzel. Also, are you kidding me, what if we ran into Patti LuPone? I would die. I would literally die on the spot.”

“I mean this in the most affectionate way possible, this is the gayest you've ever been.”

Austin smirked in reply. All he could think was you ain't seen nothin' yet.

Soon, the plane started boarding, and not long after, they were all in the sky, on their way to New York. Austin and Zach had both brought their tablets with them, and both became engrossed in their pre-planned airplane movies. Austin had chosen Tick, Tick... Boom!, and Zach had picked The Devil Wears Prada.

An hour into their movie, Zach was getting restless, and shifted around in his chair, coming to rest his head on Austin's shoulder. Austin melted, and then took an earbud out. He nudged Zach, who sat up a bit and took out one of his own earbuds.

“I'm really glad we're on this trip together.”

“Me too.” Zach couldn't say how much it meant to him.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” Zach was going to start crying. In fact, he was now welling up. He tried to play it off in his mind. Was it the cabin air? Before he could get self conscious, Austin had already put his earbud back in and his movie was playing again.

Zach sat for a while before getting back to his own movie, soaking up the moment.

Before long, the plane began to descend, and out the window, the city appeared. Soon, they would be part of the hustle and bustle.

---

An hour later, they were approaching Times Square. The lights were flashing and the crowds were squeezing in. Austin was amazed, taking in the billboards and signs. As they moved into the middle, he could take in more. Zach was amazed too, but also overwhelmed by all of the people. He moved closer to Austin, and took his hand.

They made their way to the stairs, and climbed up them to sit down and take it all in. Austin looked over at the Palace Theater, and took it in with stars in his eyes. “That’s it, it’s right there! It’s real!”

After Zach adapted to his surroundings a bit, he started to notice that Times Square was a bit of a mess. Next to him, there was food wrappers and other trash left behind. “You know, it’s kind of gross here.”

“But it’s so amazing!” Austin replied, in denial.

After sitting for a while, they got up and walked past some of the iconic theaters nearby. Afterwards, they went underground and got on the subway. They headed down to SoHo, with plans to do some shopping and pretend to be New Yorkers.

Once they arrived, Austin’s parents split off, and made plans to meet back up in a few hours so that they could go to the Museum of Modern Art together. Zach was excited for some alone time with Austin, and Austin was excited to shop. They headed off and stopped in several clothing stores.

In between stores, Zach looked around at the other people on the sidewalk. He was fascinated by the diversity, and had a hard time not staring. He took them all in. They were so interesting, so unlike the people he saw in the Midwest. He wanted to be more like them. He also noticed other gay people. In fact, it seemed like there were a lot of gay people. Or, at least more than he was used to.

As Austin began to accumulate shopping bags, he began to hand some of them off to Zach. “Aren’t you going to get something?” he asked Zach.

“Maybe. I just haven't seen anything yet. You know, there are a lot of gay people here.”

“Yeah, isn't it awesome? So many hot guys.”

“Yeah...” Zach wasn't sure what to say, but he was uncomfortable. Austin had been so worried about appearing midwestern, but now Zach was feeling very midwestern himself. Austin would probably be way happier if he was dating someone from New York. He started to spiral a bit, but then they came up on a bookshop.

Inside, the air conditioning felt like relief, and Zach busied himself looking at books in the New Arrivals section. Austin discovered that there were gay guys in the store too.

Austin nudged Zach, and as quietly as possible said, “Look to your left.”

Zach glanced over, and to his horror, found a cute guy looking back at him from a few shelves over. He immediately looked back down at the book he was holding. Without looking up, he asked Austin, “Why did you make me do that?”

“Because he's cute.” Austin was making eye contact with the guy now, and they shared a smile. Zach looked up in just enough time to see it happen.

“I think I'm going to wait outside.” Zach re-shelved the book he was holding and headed towards the door.

“Wait, no, I'll come with you.”

Out on the street, Zach was moving quickly. He was still holding all of the shopping bags, and attempted to get them to cooperate as he walked. Austin followed behind until they stopped at an intersection.

“Let’s stop for a snack,” said Zach, motioning towards the coffee shop across the street.

Austin could tell that Zach was annoyed at what he had done, but didn't know what to say. So, he just went along. “Sure, that sounds good.”

Inside, they each ordered a drink and split a pastry. Zach was relieved to sit down for a little bit, and Austin was anxious to get back to shopping. He knew that Zach needed a break, though, and he hadn't realized how thirsty he was himself.

Afterwards, they stopped in a few more stores, and finally met back up with Austin's parents. They found a subway station, and headed up to their next stop.

---

Once they arrived at the Museum of Modern Art, they split into pairs again, and Austin and Zach set off to explore. Austin was excited to take in the new exhibits, and Zach was looking for something a little older.

After an hour, Zach was feeling tired, and a little overstimulated. And he couldn't get rid of a growing, horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. “Hey, do you want to sit in the courtyard for a little bit?”

“Sure!” Austin followed Zach through the door, and they sat down on a ledge in the shade. They watched the other people exploring the courtyard, and took in the view of the neighboring buildings. Austin took a little bit to soak up the city, and then he glanced at Zach.

“Wait, babe, are you crying?” he asked. Zach was looking at the ground, and didn't acknowledge the question. “Hey, what's going on?”

A tear ran down Zach's face, and he sniffled. Austin leaned over and wrapped him in a side hug, holding him tightly. He didn't need an explanation yet. “It's okay. You're okay,” he whispered several times.

Zach felt horrible. Here he was, in New York with his boyfriend, in an art museum, and he was having a meltdown. It just made him feel even worse.

Austin rubbed his hand up and down Zach's upper arm, trying to calm him down. He tried getting Zach to talk again. “You want to talk about it? Whatever it is, we can handle it.”

Zach pursed his lips. He was going to have to tell Austin the truth, he couldn't come up with a good excuse. “My parents didn't want me to come.”

Austin processed this for a moment and then asked, “To New York?”

“Yeah. We got in a big fight about it, and I told them it was bullshit.” The tears were flowing once again, and Zach's breath was uneven.

Austin knew how unusual it was for Zach and his parents to get into a fight. Their relationship was strained, but usually Zach just did what they told him to do. Austin was quiet, letting this sink in, and thinking of what to say.

Zach continued, “I shouldn't have come, and I'm sure they absolutely hate me now, I don't even know what I'm doing.” Zach leaned forward and put his face into his hands. Austin rubbed his back, slowly and meaningfully.

“They don't hate you, they love you very much. Did they tell you why they didn't want you to come?”

“No.”

“Babe, I didn't know that this happened, why didn't you tell me before now?”

“I don't know, I didn't want you to worry about it.”

“Well, I wish I could have been there for you. You can always tell me if something like that happens.” Austin scooted closer to Zach and wrapped him arm around him. He began to think back up to the days leading up to their trip, and could see some of the things that Zach had said in a new light. He was disappointed in himself for not putting things together, and he felt guilty for putting so much pressure on Zach.

Another wave was coming over Zach. “They didn't want me to come and I came anyway.” Fresh tears appeared on his cheeks. He couldn't put it into words yet, but on top of everything, he was still reeling from the idea that Austin would be happier with someone from New York, and that he would never measure up.

“Yes, and you didn't do anything wrong.”

“Yes I did, I flew all the way to New York when they said not to.”

Austin could feel that he wasn't helping much. “Hey, no you did not. You know that you're your own person, right? You're a grown up, and you can make your own decisions. We're grown ups. It's kind of crazy, but we are. We can do whatever we want.”

“Yeah...”

“Besides, we're here now, we're having a good time, and we'll be home again soon.”

Zach was calming down, slowly. He knew that Austin was right, and that everything he'd said was true. It just didn't feel true. He took a deep breath in, and slowly let it out. “I'm sorry, I'm such a mess.”

“It's okay, I'm here.” Austin rubbed his back again. “Let's just sit out here for a while and people watch, does that sound good?”

Zach nodded and rubbed away his tears.

---

Outside of an Italian restaurant, a taxi pulled up, and Austin, Zach, and Austin's parents climbed out. They'd returned to the hotel for a refresh and to dress up for dinner and a show. Austin and Zach were each wearing a blazer, Austin in dark gray and Zach in black. Austin took Zach's hand and led the group into the restaurant.

“Wiley, four.” Austin was fully in charge at the host stand. They followed the host, snaking through the dark and cramped restaurant, and arrived at a table by the windows along the street. They each took a seat, Austin and Zach on one side, and Austin's parents on the other.

They each perused the menu for a moment, and then set it down. They all knew what they were ordering already, as they'd picked the restaurant weeks ago and had everything planned out. Austin's parents had originally picked a stereotypical tourist spot, but Austin swooped in and found something much better.

“So, what did you guys get up to today?” Austin's dad asked. “You disappeared at the MoMA earlier.”

Austin jumped in quickly. “Oh, yeah, we kind of got lost for a while.”

“Well, I'll tell you, there is some provocative art in there!” his dad replied.

Austin laughed. “Oh, is there?”

“I saw some things!”

Austin facepalmed. His dad could be so cringey.

After dinner, they walked over to the theater and got in line to go in. Austin's excitement was bubbling over, he could hardly stand still. He was in New York. With his boyfriend. Seeing a Broadway show. Life couldn't get any better than this. Austin took Zach's hand and squeezed it tight.

Inside, they found their seats and settled in for the show. Zach was feeling much better, but relieved that he could escape into a show for a few hours.

Ten minutes later, the curtain rose.