The truth will set you free

“Should we get a cart?”

“Nah, I think a basket will be enough,” Austin replied.

Austin and Zach were at the grocery store to get the supplies they needed to make a birthday cake. Austin didn’t have much experience with baking, but Zach loved to bake. Austin hoped that Zach wouldn’t lead them astray.

The birthday cake was for Austin’s friend Brittany, a friend he had made from doing so many stage shows together. A huge group of theatre people would be getting together for her birthday, and Austin had volunteered to make the cake, despite not knowing how or having ever made one before. That was just the kind of friend he was. Optimistic.

“Okay, off to the baking aisle!” Zach proclaimed.

Austin was carrying the basket, and he gently swung it back and forth as they walked. As they rounded the baked goods area, he noticed that Zach was walking really close to him. He tried to nonchalantly put some space between them.

“I can’t believe that you’ve never made a cake before. You just seem like the kind of person who would have,” Zach observed.

“I know, I guess it’s kind of strange, but my dad always makes our cakes and he just gets really into it. It’s kind of his thing.”

“I get that. I love your dad.”

They arrived at the baking aisle, and Zach began scanning for the cake mix. As he walked, he reached out his hand to hold Austin’s, but noticed that Austin was looking in the other direction. He let his hand down and got back to scanning.

At the cake mix section, they both stopped to take in all of the options.

“I feel like we should get one of each?” Austin proposed. Zach smirked in reply.

“You know we agreed on a vanilla cake.”

“You are no fun.” Austin reached down and selected a box of vanilla cake mix, and placed it in the basket. “Okay... icing?” Austin spun around until he located it.

As they walked down the aisle, Zach reached out again to take Austin’s hand. For some reason, he felt like Austin was trying to stay away from him, and it was beginning to bother him. Austin cautiously took his hand, but Zach could tell something was up.

At the icing, Austin took his hand away to reach for a container of vanilla icing. He was suddenly even more self conscious and looked around to see how many other people were in the aisle with them. Not too many, but not no one, he noticed.

“Okay! Now for some eggs!” Austin said, just slightly uncomfortably and a little louder than normal.

Zach followed Austin again, beginning to wonder what it was that had caused Austin to act like this. Had he said something to upset him? Austin had been acting normally this morning at home. They had made breakfast, as they always did on Saturday mornings, and there was nothing out of the ordinary that happened.

Over at the eggs, Austin picked up a carton of 12 brown eggs and placed them in the basket. “Alright, is that everything?”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What?”

“The decorations?”

“Oh! Oh yeah... ugh, why didn’t you say something when we were in the baking aisle?”

“I don’t know, you were in such a hurry to get eggs.” In truth, Zach wasn’t really paying attention to what they needed, he was too busy being distracted by Austin.

With a sigh, Austin replied, “Okay, back to the decorations.” And he was off again.

Following Austin once again, Zach finally had time to piece together what was going on. He remembered that Austin had read an article that morning about a gay couple that had been beaten up in public. It wasn’t anywhere near where they lived. In fact, it was many states away, but Zach remembered how it had affected Austin.

Walking faster to catch up with Austin, Zach tried to find a way to bring it up. He finally decided to just go for it. “Hey, are you nervous about us being in public together because of that article?”

“Oh, um...” Austin went quiet. He hadn’t quite put it together in that way. He suddenly felt so bad for how he was behaving, and so relieved that Zach could be so clearheaded about it.

“It’s okay if so, I just noticed that you were kind of in a hurry.”

“I guess you’re right. I’m sorry, it did kind of freak me out. It was just so awful what happened to them, and I never know if something like that could happen to us. Like, what’s so different about us from them?”

“I know, I think about that sometimes too. You know, I don’t think it would probably happen here in a grocery store in the middle of the day though.”

Zach did kind of have a point, but Austin still felt like there was an ever so slight chance, and that it would be a horrible mistake to assume that it was totally safe.

Over at the cake decorations, Austin was feeling a little more like himself. Just talking about his anxiety had eased it. They stood picking out decorations for a while, making plans for what the cake was going to look like. They thought about what Brittany would like most, and paid a little less attention to everyone else.

---

Back at their apartment, they set their shopping bags down on the counter and began getting everything out. They placed all of the ingredients together near the stove, and placed the decorations on the island. Zach put away the empty bags, and opened a drawer, where he produced two aprons.

“Wait, are these aprons?!” Austin exclaimed. He took one of them from Zach. “Have you had these this whole time? Why haven’t we been wearing them?”

Zach unfolded his own apron and put it on over his head. “I don’t know, we just haven’t had the occasion to, I guess.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure we don’t need an occasion,” said Austin, slipping his over his own head.

They each tied them around their waist, and Austin beamed at Zach. He was so hot in an apron. Unknown to him, Zach was thinking the same thing about Austin.

Zach got to work gathering all of the other things that they needed. He pulled out a large mixing bowl, a mixer, and some vegetable oil. Austin opened the cake mix, and began reading the instructions.

“Okay, it says that we need to preheat the oven to 350 for glass or 325 for nonstick.”

“Oh, duh, I forgot to get out the pans.” Zach knelt down to a lower cabinet and produced a two round cake pans. “Nonstick!”

Austin set the temperature on the oven, and they set about getting all of the ingredients added to the bowl. Zach used the mixer to get everything well incorporated, and then poured the mixture into the pans. Austin used a spatula to get every last bit out. They popped the pans into the oven, and set the timer.

“Do you want to lick the spatula?” Austin asked.

“No, I want to lick the bowl.”

“Very funny, we can share.”

Austin leaned back on the island while Zach leaned on the counter opposite him. While Austin licked at the spatula, Zach used his finger to get bits of cake batter out of the bowl. “Thank you for doing such a bad job at getting this out,” he teased.

“Shut up. And you’re welcome.” Austin replied with half of the spatula in his mouth.

Zach smiled, but the quiet moment brought back what had happened at the grocery store. “Hey, by the way, if you’re ever feeling unsafe somewhere, you can let me know. We can be more low key if that makes you feel better.”

Austin felt burdened down as Zach spoke, realizing exactly how his reaction to the article was bringing them down too close to earth. He was quiet for a little bit and then sighed. “That really sucks though, that we would have to do that. I know that’s basically what I was doing earlier, but we shouldn’t have to. I just don’t feel very brave sometimes.”

“I get that. I usually try not to think about it, but it’s still always in the back of my mind.”

“What if we talked about it but did it anyway? And maybe we don’t always, but we try. I want to try. During the day. At nice places. And around nice people.”

Zach leaned up from the counter and walked over to Austin. “Well, we’re probably going to doing it around not nice people at some point. But that’s okay. If something happens, we’ll run away. Or I’ll punch them. Or trip them. Or we could throw tacks at them.”

Austin gently laughed. “None of those sound like a good idea. Except running away. Running away is good.” Austin leaned forward and kissed Zach. He didn’t feel much better about being affectionate in public, but it was a relief to know that Zach was there for him, and that if something did happen, he wouldn’t be alone.

“Okay, time to clean up,” Austin said. He was done licking the spatula, and Zach had cleaned out the bowl. They placed them in the sink, and gathered up the other items to be washed. Austin soaped up a dish brush and began washing, while Zach gathered the trash and threw it away. Next, he got into another cabinet and produced a cake stand.

“Wait, you have a cake stand?! First it’s aprons, and now a cake stand?” Austin was amazed. “Who is this person I’m dating? Are you a secret baker?”

Zach didn’t have the heart to confess that this was the first time he had used the stand and the aprons, but he let Austin believe that he had a secret second life. “Maybe...”

Soon, the cake was done baking, and they took the pans out of the oven. They left them on the stove to cool, and went off to watch TV while they waited.

---

Ding dong! Zach and Austin were at Brittany’s front door. They could see glimpses of others moving about inside, and they could hear some music playing. After a moment, Brittany opened the door.

“Thank goodness! You’re finally here. Come in, come in!”

“Happy birthday!” Austin exclaimed. The cake wobbled in his hands, and Zach nervously watched as their creation hovered about. They followed Brittany into the house and were suddenly surrounded by all of Austin’s friends. They snaked through, following Brittany, sharing hellos as they went.

In the kitchen, Austin set the cake down on the counter and lifted the top.

“Oh my gosh, it’s beautiful!” Brittany took it all in. They had iced it with light pink frosting and piped the top with red icing. In the middle, it said “Happy Birthday Brittany!”

“Thank you both so much for this, it’s perfect.”

Austin, hardly stopping to accept the compliment, turned to Zach. “Candles, please.” Zach produced a package of pink candles from his pocket and handed them over. Austin immediately began unpacking them and sticking them into the cake.

Brittany said, “I’m so excited for later. I think the pizza should be here soon. Olivia is in charge of it, so we’ll see. We’re playing Settlers of Catan in the other room if you want to join in!”

“Okay, we’ll see you in there.” Austin was still perfecting the candle arrangement. He liked when they were perfectly symmetrical. Zach watched him in amusement, rolling his eyes in his mind at Austin’s perfectionistic tendencies. Before long, he was finished and they both headed into the living room, where everyone was already deep in the game around the coffee table.

“Hey Austin! Hey Zach!” came the chorus of welcomes. Zach wasn’t sure who some of them were, but gave a smile and a wave. Austin immediately sat down next to his friend Emma on the couch, and Zach followed close behind.

“Hey, how have you been?” she asked Austin.

“Really good. We just had the cutest day making the cake for Brittany.”

“Aw, that’s so cute! I can’t wait to see it. Zach get in there too?” she asked, looking over at him.

“Um, yeah, I’m super into baking actually,” Zach replied, looking sarcastically smug.

Emma smiled suspiciously. “Why am I having a hard time believing you?”

Austin jumped in. “Actually, this one has been holding out on me, hoarding a cake stand and these cute aprons this whole time. I think he might actually be a secret baker.”

“Oh really? Well now I have really high expectations for this cake,” Emma teased.

On the other side of Zach, another of Austin’s friends plopped down. Zach immediately recognized him as Jack, one of Austin’s louder friends.

“Hey Zach, what’s up?”

“Hey, not much.” Zach braced himself for whatever was coming.

“You taking care of Austin, eh?”

Straight to the point, Zach thought. “Yeah, I’d say so. You worried about him?”

“No, no, just checking. You know, gotta keep an eye on my people.”

Zach wasn’t sure what to say back, so he just nodded, looking in Jack’s direction. Austin and Emma had gotten deep into conversation, and he felt like he was out there by himself. In front of them, the game progressed, keeping the group around the coffee table locked into what moves the others were making.

“You want to go get something to drink?” Jack proposed.

“Sure.”

Zach put his hand on Austin’s leg as he got up, signaling that he was leaving. He headed into the kitchen with Jack, intrigued that this is who he was hanging out with at the party.

“What is your drink of choice?” Jack asked. “It looks like we’ve got soda and juice. What a wild party.”

“I’ll take some soda, thanks.”

“Sure sure sure.” Jack poured two cups and handed one of them to Zach. They both took a drink and looked in the cake, still sitting with its candles ready to go.

“So, you and Austin have been dating for quite a while now,” Jack said.

Wow, he really wants to talk about our relationship, Zach thought to himself. “Yeah, I guess it’s over six months by now.”

“And you guys are living together now, right?”

Zach was starting to feel like this was a bit of an interrogation. “Yep, he moved into my apartment right after Christmas, it’s been really nice.”

“That’s so awesome. I gotta be honest, I’m really jealous of you guys.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, for real. I kinda want that for myself someday. At least I hope so.” Jack was uneasy, as bold as he was being.

Zach could suddenly see exactly why Jack was so interested. Was Jack coming out to him? “I’m still amazed that it happened to me most days. I hope you can have it someday too.”

“Ah, thanks man. It’s kind of hard to see how to get there sometimes.”

“I know, it isn’t easy, I didn’t really know what to do, and then Austin and I just kept running into each other. It just kind of happened, which was really nice.”

“That’s it, I’m going to start running into people now. Just absolutely knocking them over.” They both laughed.

“Okay, well, maybe not quite like that,” Zach replied.

Zach wasn’t sure why, but he was feeling like sharing more with Jack. He hadn’t followed him expecting to have such a deep connection. He felt like Jack would be able to appreciate his recent feelings about Austin.

“You know, I actually kind of freaked myself out recently. Austin and I were at the art museum, and we were just sitting there having our lunch, and it just came over me. I was like, Austin is the one. I think I had known it the whole time, but I hadn’t realized it. It was crazy.”

“Dude, you’re going to make me cry. Cry into this dang soda.” Jack was clearly emotional, and he turned so that he could lean on the counter. “That’s so cool, you guys are so good together. I hope you guys are together forever. I ship it, I totally ship it.”

Zach laughed. He hadn’t been shipped before, and he liked it. “Thanks, man. He’s a special guy.”

From the other room Olivia called out, “PIZZA’S HERE!”

Soon, there were pizzas covering every open counter space in the kitchen, and everyone was piling slices onto their paper plates.

---

Back in their apartment later that evening, Zach and Austin were getting ready for bed. Austin was at his nightstand, and plugged in his phone. Zach was at the closet, changing into his pajamas.

As he tossed his clothes into the hamper, he remembered the conversation that he had had with Jack. It made him appreciate what he had with Austin, having seen it through Jack’s eyes. He was really lucky, and he realized that he’d never felt so at home before. He headed out of the closet and towards the bed, where Austin was distracted on his phone.

“I love you.”

Austin set down his phone and looked over. He smiled at Zach and replied, “I love you too.” He was curious about what had brought this on so abruptly. “What happened in the closet?”

“Nothing, nothing. I just... I was talking to Jack earlier. He was asking about us, I think he came out to me?”

Austin pursed his lips and nodded. “Interesting. I’ve wondered if he’s bisexual before. You two really shared a moment?”

“I think we did. I wasn’t expecting it. I just thought he was a loud person, I kind of forget that there’s a person under there.” Zach pulled back the sheets and got into bed alongside Austin. “We should try and find someone for him.”

“That’s so sweet, we should. We could be like little matchmakers. I’ll have to think about it.”

“Yeah. Do we know any extroverts?” Zach laughed softly.

“Umm yeah, I think I know a couple. We are theatre people after all.”

Austin returned to his phone, getting sucked back into his feed. Zach sat and thought about the night again. Austin really was home to him. It felt like they were on a rocket ship, strapped into their seats, rushing towards safety together. The more he leaned in, the faster they went, and the further away his problems felt. He wasn’t even sure what his problems were anymore.

He looked over at Austin. What a magical little boy. He was just sitting there, totally unaware of what he was doing.

Zach turned to the other side and reached and switched off his lamp. He nestled further into bed. As he closed his eyes he whispered, “Night, babe.”